Mirror mirror on the Wall

The perception we have of ourselves from the perch up on top of our neck is completely different from that of looking at ourselves in a mirror. For someone with a new disability, one that physically changes them, it is natural to strive to get to a “normal” that allows them to relate comfortably with those around them. One look in a mirror can dash any progress because what you see in the mirror is what you think others are seeing when they look at you. But it’s not true. Self-perception is part of the normalcy we seek and mirrors are anathema to a positive self-perception.

Become disabled and you look different, maybe walk different. Thankfully, time does to our ailments, mental and physical, what rain over millions of years does to mountains: it smooths them out, it wears them down, it softens them. After some time and a few positive steps and a few little victories that begin to build back our confidence and our feelings of normalcy, our self-perception too begins to change and be more positive. It happened to me. After years of working really hard on sports to have some little victories each one of which gradually helped me build back some much-needed self-confidence which then transferred over to all aspects of my life, I thought from up on my little perch that I looked pretty normal walking. But when I saw myself in a store window and I saw someone limping, someone downright gimpy. “Who is that gimpy guy,” I would proclaim to myself only to catch myself and realize, just as a playback of my recorded voice doesn’t sound like the me I hear inside my head, this guy I was seeing didn’t look like the me I see inside my head. So which one is the real me?

The mirror is lying only to you! Just as the live voice coming from you and the recorded voice of you sound the same to others but not to you, so too do the live perception of you and the one in the mirror look the same to others but not to you. Your self-perception is the one you have worked on and built up over time and it’s the ground truth. Ignore the mirrors. Break them all. People perceive you not just with the bare photons bouncing back at you from that evil mirror. They also see your accomplishments, the fight you are fighting, and your attitude. Things no mirror ever will show you. The you you see in your head, like the you you hear in your head is the real you and it’s the one others see as well. Focus on the health, happiness and well-being of that you and not the one in the mirror.